


The Sharp Knife

by puerilebeauty5



Category: Winner (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-03
Updated: 2016-09-03
Packaged: 2018-08-12 18:15:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7944394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/puerilebeauty5/pseuds/puerilebeauty5
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seungyoon's reaper arrives seven days ahead of schedule.</p><p>(Cross-posted from winnerexchange.livejournal.com)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Sharp Knife

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cyphertwo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cyphertwo/gifts).



“What’s his blood pressure? Pulse? Temperature? When was he last conscious?”

Seungyoon sighs impatiently as he waits for the nurse to relay the information he requested. You would think that after working multiple 36-hour shifts during the last two months, he wouldn’t have to work during his week off. Unfortunately, he wasn’t in a line of work where he could just ignore his business calls when he wished. The nurse comes back on the line and Seungyoon gives her instructions before ending the call. 

He quickly steps out of his car, grabs his heavy grocery bags and heads for his apartment. He hasn’t had a home-cooked meal in months, and he intends to make himself a giant pot of lasagna when he’s done napping.

As Seungyoon walks toward his building, he notices a few kids loitering around. It’s summer, and the neighborhood kids probably don’t have a lot to do in this boring suburban neighborhood. He recognizes most of them, but there are a few new faces. One in particular looks really unfamiliar, and it is kind of impossible for Seungyoon to ignore him because he is standing right beside Seungyoon’s door. 

He is just tall enough to tower over Seungyoon. The fit of his black leather pants is tight enough to be distracting, and the distressed hem of his v-neck t-shirt sags to display a tempting glimpse of smooth fair skin. Seungyoon watches the boy kick at the grass while gloomily staring at his boot-clad feet. He has interesting droopy eyebrows and almond-shaped eyes accentuated by a heavy slathering of dark eyeliner. He was the personification of Seungyoon’s type when he was in college – before even cruising became a time-wasting inconvenience for him. The kid looks like he’s in his in late teens or early twenties. Either way, he is far too young for Seungyoon to be checking out. 

Seungyoon ignores him and struggles to fit his key in the lock while juggling his grocery bags. At this point, there is barely any space between his right arm and the kid’s left arm. Strangely enough, the kid doesn’t move away from his position by the door or even glance at Seungyoon. Seungyoon feels too awkward to ask him to move, so he resigns himself to continued contact until he safely enters his apartment.

When Seungyoon lets himself in, shakily swaying under the weight of his bags, he feels a hand stroking his back. He turns just in time to watch the kid saunter across his lawn. Maybe it’s a trend or prank that kids were doing these days. God knows they changed so quickly that Seungyoon could barely keep up with them these days. Seungyoon chooses to dismiss it in favor of his long-anticipated nap.

.

The doorbell rings just as Seungyoon puts away the last bottle of milk. He quickly checks the time. Jinwoo and some of his other medical school buddies are supposed to visit in a few hours, but he is not expecting anyone at the moment. No one ever shows up at Seungyoon’s house unannounced, so he has no idea who the person ringing the doorbell could be. He is so groggy that he walks right past the door three times before he finally opens it. 

The gloomy kid is standing at the door, looking at Seungyoon with a mix of annoyance and confusion. They stare at each other in silence for a few minutes before Seungyoon speaks. 

“Can I help you?”

There is no response, and Seungyoon’s patience is running low. He snaps.

“Look here kid, I haven’t slept in almost 48 hours, and I have been on my feet for at least 24 of those hours. All I want to do right now is collapse in my soft, comfortable bed. I really do not have time for whatever teenage prank you’ve decided to play on me today. Do you want something?”

The boy’s brows furrow adorably, descending to depths that Seungyoon didn’t know brows could reach before rising in a clear expression of surprise. Seungyoon’s response may have been rude, but it certainly wasn’t worthy of such a wide range of reactions. It’s Seungyoon’s turn to look surprised.

“Can you repeat that?”

Surprise gives way to annoyance yet again.

“Do. You. Want. Something?”

“No. Before that. Did you call me kid?”

“Yes. Are you going to complain about that on my doorstep? You’re clearly really young.”

It has been years since someone got under Seungyoon’s skin as quickly as this kid had. He watches him pull a crumpled piece of paper from the pocket of his tight leather pants. Seungyoon’s eyes linger on his thighs for a few seconds, but he convinces himself that he is just admiring the quality of the material.

“Are you Kang Seungyoon?”

The kid knows Seungyoon’s name, but that is the least strange part of their interaction so far. He nods. 

There is some more fumbling with the piece of paper until the kid notices something and lets out a loud swear “Fuck!”. He mumbles to himself while checking his phone, and Seungyoon manages to catch a few words here and there. Something about a wrong date and seven days? He has no idea what is happening or why he is still standing here entertaining this possibly high teenager, but he remains in position.

The kid extends his right hand in introduction.

“I’m Nam Taehyun. Can I come in? I need to talk to you about something.”

Without waiting for a reply, the boy shoves his way past Seungyoon and walks into the living room. Seungyoon is stumped. He has no idea how their conversation shifted from berating the kid- Taehyun- for his poor manners to Taehyun inviting himself into his home. He’s too sleepy to deal with conflict head-on right now, so he’ll indulge the kid for now if it gets him out of Seungyoon’s hair more quickly. 

Taehyun sits on Seungyoon’s favorite sofa, leaving him with the hard, uncomfortable chair on his left. 

“Alright, what do you want to talk about?”

Taehyun looks uncertain for a minute. It’s nice to see the kid without the cock-sure, gloomy expression that Seungyoon has come to associate him with. 

“Okay, this is going to sound really weird, but believe me, you’ll be thankful that I told you this. “

Seungyoon studies him silently with a raised eyebrow. This ought to be good.

“You’re going to die in seven days.”

Seungyoon stares at Taehyun in shock as his words slowly sink in before bursting into hysterical laughter. 

Taehyun looks annoyed again, the expression on his face almost petulant as he tries to explain “I’m serious. I’m a reaper, and I accidentally showed up here a week early. They wouldn’t let me move on when I was supposed to, I lost my house and I have nowhere to go. Since you can actually see me, telling you probably isn’t against the rules. Not that I care. They can shove their rules up their asses. Fifteen years of work and I get dust in return. “

Seungyoon gives up on following Taehyun’s words after the first sentence. The disorganized ranting is a clear sign that the kid is on something. 

Seungyoon stands up.

“Wait! Where are you going?”

“To get you a blanket. I doubt you’ll be able to find your way home tonight, and I’m too tired to try to find your guardians. You’re too young to be on the streets alone. You can stay here tonight and sleep off the drugs.”

“I’m telling the truth!”

“Yeah. Yeah. I get it. You can take my soul when you wake up tomorrow morning.” Seungyoon replies as he trudges upstairs to get the extra blanket.

-

 

That night, Seungyoon dreams of a mighty fall. He falls endlessly into nothing, his vision black and his heart thumping loudly in his chest. In some ways, it is peaceful and he enjoys the silence. But the emptiness still scares him. When he wakes up gasping for breath, he barely remembers why he was so consumed with fear. 

Seungyoon walks downstairs to grab breakfast and bid farewell to his uninvited guest. He expects a bowed head, an apology from a thoroughly embarrassed teenager fresh off a nasty experience with drugs. Anything but the peppy teenager currently helping himself to Seungyoon’s food and watching Steven Universe on his couch. 

“Good Morning. How are you feeling today?”

Taehyun turns to look at Seungyoon. Strangely enough, his eyeliner is still perfectly settled on his eyelids. 

“Fine. Thanks for letting me stay here.”

“No problem. I really just wanted to go to sleep anyway. So, what did you take yesterday?” Seungyoon asks as he pours milk into his cereal.

“Nothing! I told you that yesterday. I am actually a reaper. I know it sounds unbelievable, but I’m not lying. How do you explain my knowledge of your name and address then?”

Taehyun’s voice betrays his age with the whiny petulant tone it takes while he speaks.

“Are you still high?”

Seungyoon grabs his bowl and walks back into the living room. It takes him a while to find what he’s looking for, and when he does, he plops down on the couch beside Taehyun, almost toppling the boy’s cereal. 

“Whatever you took shouldn’t still be effective after all this time. Let me look at your pupils.”

Seungyoon firmly grasps Taehyun’s jaw, lifting it to point his flashlight at the younger man’s eyes. He is met with little resistance. In fact, the boy leans into his touch like a cat starved of human attention. That surprises Seungyoon, but he doesn’t let it show as he continues his examination.

“Your pupils look fine. Are you faking this? Is it a prank?”

The doorbell rings before Taehyun can reply. It’s Jinwoo dropping by early to set up the grill for their get-together later today. He thinks Seungyoon isn’t competent enough to manage it without burning himself or destroying the equipment, so he decided to handle it himself. 

Jinwoo pushes past Seungyoon and walks into the kitchen. He is so preoccupied with whatever he is doing on his phone that he fails to notice the person in the living room. 

“I’ll go and put the grill together in the backyard. I’m kind of in a hurry, so I’m gonna leave immediately I’m done. Did you buy the beef yesterday?”

“Nope. You said I wouldn’t be able to recognize the good cuts so you’d do the shopping too, remember?”

Jinwoo is already dragging various strangely shaped metal odds and ends towards the back door.

“Crap. Irene just called to say she’ll have a 3-hour stopover in Incheon. I’m heading over there because we haven’t seen each other in months. I’ll tell Seunghoon to get it.”

Jinwoo suddenly stopped walking, causing Seungyoon to bump into his muscled back. Seungyoon looks at his arms self-consciously. They have similar schedules, but Seungyoon has not found time to work out in almost one year.

“Seungyoon, why didn’t you tell me you had a guest? Good Morning, ma’am.”

“Ma’am?” Seungyoon’s confusion is evident in his facial expression. He turns to see who Jinwoo is talking to, but the only person seated in the living room is Nam Taehyun. 

“Good Morning.” Taehyun actually has the nerve to reply Jinwoo’s greeting. 

Jinwoo resumes walking towards the door before Seungyoon can chew Taehyun out properly.

“So who is she?”

“Who?” Seungyoon’s puzzlement rises with each passing minute. He’s not sure who they’re talking about or where this conversation is going. 

“The old lady in your living room. Who else would I be talking about? You can go back inside now. I can handle this”

The reality of the situation is slowly starting to dawn on Seungyoon. It’s so improbable, and Seungyoon swears that he is losing his mind, but he has to ask.

“Jinwoo. Did you also notice a teenage boy on my couch? Black jacket, leather pants, heavy eyeliner?”

Jinwoo stops messing with the grill for a minute to study Seungyoon properly.

“Nope. Just the old lady. Why? Did he visit with her?”

“Yeah. That’s it.” Seungyoon is in a daze as he slowly makes his way back into the house. He remembers the words that he had dismissed as drugged ramblings last night- things about Seungyoon seeing Taehyun when others couldn’t. Could it be?

He walks into the living room and stares down the sulky teenager on his couch. “Why does Jinwoo think you’re a middle-aged woman?”

Taehyun quirks his ever so expressive brow. “I told you, but you wouldn’t believe me. I’m a reaper. You’re the only person I’ve met who can see my true form. I’m in this body, the middle-aged woman’s- because I’m supposed to be dead, and I’d scare people who knew me if they saw me walking around the city. Wish I’d gotten a younger body though. I get tired so quickly.”

Seungyoon sits. He has to. He’s not sure his legs are in any condition to support him right now.

“Do you have any way to prove what you’re saying?” he asks as he rubs wearily at his face.

Taehyun looks deep in thought for a few minutes before he starts shoving his hand into the grooves of the sofa, searching for something- his phone. He starts scrolling through it before apparently changing his mind. “It’ll be more convincing if it’s your phone. Do you have it?”

Seungyoon wordlessly slides his phone towards Taehyun. He watches Taehyun turn on the camera and take a video while speaking and doing aegyo at the camera. Seungyoon would be amused by the goth rocker teenager doing aegyo if they weren’t discussing his potential death. 

“Watch that. I don’t know why I didn’t think of that yesterday.”

Seungyoon takes the phone; He wants to prepare himself for what he will see, what he might see, but he doesn’t even know how he to do that. The undergraduate introductory psychology class never discussed how to deal with proof that prophecies of your approaching death are correct.

The video plays, and Seungyoon watches an elderly blond woman go through all the motions that Taehyun just completed. The words are the same but the voice is different. He has to be losing his mind. Taehyun pulls the phone out of his grasp and turns on the camera again so Seungyoon can see himself seated behind an unfamiliar woman. It takes all of Seungyoon’s self-control to stop him from smashing the phone at that moment. 

His hands are trembling. He can feel the blood thrumming through his veins, and his eyes are unfocused from panic. “The piece of paper that my name was on. Can I see it?”

Taehyun silently hands it to him, and he looks it over.

Kang Seungyoon

29

28th August 2016.

3, Huiujeong-ro 1-gil, Mapo-gu, Seoul

Sudden cardiac arrest from Brugada syndrome

That’s it. It’s such a simple note that effectively ends his life. Just his name, age, address and cause of death- like one of the forms he has to sign off on at the end of his shifts. There nothing about the years he spent slaving away at school and at work to finally get his current position as an attending. Nothing about his sister whose wedding is supposed to take place in a month. No mention of his mother whose life revolves around her children or the friends he had made in his 29 years of life. The note does not mention the things that made Kang Seungyoon Kang Seungyoon or how much he enjoyed life and living. 

 

‘The winds of change are blowing wild and free.’

 

This has to be a joke – a giant prank planned by his friends. It can’t be happening to him. He is healthy. Even though he often skips exercise, he spends a decent amount of time running around the hospital and maintains a healthy diet. He even got a physical two months ago, when he started his new job as an attending. His EKG results were fine. He couldn’t have Brugada.

“This isn’t funny.”

Seungyoon stands and points at Taehyun, his face red with a mixture of anger, fear and some other emotion that he can’t pinpoint.

“I don’t know how you did that thing with the phone or found my age and address, but this needs to stop now”

“I told you, I’m not joking. You can use this as an opportunity to…”

“SHUT. UP!” Seungyoon yells at the kid. He can feel his neck veins bulging with the tightly wound tension that pervades his entire being. 

“I’m going back upstairs to take a nap. Let me know when you’re tired of this farce.”

He stomps his way up the stairs and into his room, making sure to slam the door loudly for additional dramatic effect.

-

 

In retrospect, Taehyun knows telling a target about his coming death was probably not one of the smartest things he has ever done. He had been so frustrated with his job – if it could even be called that- yesterday that he’d done it without thinking about the consequences on the person he was telling. 

Fifteen years have passed since Taehyun’s own death. He spent the first five years following his loved ones and blaming himself for leaving so many loose strings in his life. If he had gotten some advance knowledge of his death, he would have done everything differently and his loved ones wouldn’t have to suffer as much as they had. Although he was still haunted by his own mistakes, he had slowly come to accept that there were some things he couldn’t change. He had to settle for making the lives of his friends and family easier in subtle, undetectable ways. 

When he was told that he would have to complete another fifteen years of service as a reaper instead of moving on yesterday, he had been angrier than he had ever been in his life or undead. He had quit his job and moved out of his apartment in preparation for crossing over into the light, and instead, he had gotten yet another reaping assignment. It was understandable that he had channeled his frustration into trying to help someone else, Taehyun reasons with himself. How was he supposed to know that this person would take it so horribly? Seungyoon should be spending this time with his loved ones instead of sulking in his room.

Well, nothing could be done about it now. Taehyun is going to enjoy this week of free cable until he has to start searching for a new job. You’d think they’d have the decency to pay him for his reaping, but no – he has to deal with petty office jobs on top of all this shit. 

-

 

Seungyoon is sitting on his bed, rubbing forcefully at the sheets. He spotted a small stain on the white bedding, and when he focuses on it, he can stop thinking.

He just wants to shut his brain up – to halt the frantic thoughts. What if the kid isn’t lying? Why-why-why-why. There’s a lump in his throat, a heavy weight in his chest and his eyes are starting to sting. This can’t be happening to him. 

The time passes and Seungyoon watches the sky gradually darken. The get-together should be happening soon. Seungyoon isn’t hungry anymore though. He can’t even imagine having to fake his smiles and look at his friends while knowing that he might be dead in 6 days. 

His phone buzzes.

6:05pm  
Jinu  
Dude, I’m back. The old lady in the living room said you’re not feeling well.  
Do you want me to come up and examine you?

6:07pm  
Nah, it’s fine. It’s just food poisoning.

 

6:10pm  
Jinu  
Well, that sucks.  
I’ll call the others and cancel

6:11pm  
No need to waste all that food.  
Y’all can still hang out here without me.

 

6:15pm  
Don’t be a dumbass.  
I’m putting all the meat in your freezer.  
I’ll send out a doodle to see when everyone is free again.  
Take care of yourself.

 

Seungyoon turns his phone off after he hears the sound of the door closing. He’ll try to sleep. Maybe when he wakes up, he’ll find out that is just a really fucked-up dream.

‘I get angry too, well, I’m a lot like you ’

 

Taehyun wakes up on a familiar couch. He is surrounded by broken pieces of chips, and a reality show is playing on the television. He must have fallen asleep while watching Say Yes to the Dress. It’s his favorite guilty pleasure show, and he had even used his Netflix free trial to marathon all the old seasons. 

He stares at the mess he made of Seungyoon’s living room, trying to summon the motivation to clean it up. He feels gross, and it’s not just the junk he’s been binging on since Seungyoon decided to let him stay. It has been three days since his last show. Granted, this isn’t his first choice body to inhabit, but that’s no reason to walk around smelling like a cistern. Taehyun resolves to ask Seungyoon for directions to the bathroom when he wakes up. 

When Taehyun finally gets up, he sees Seungyoon standing beside the stairs. The man is staring at Taehyun with an intensity that makes the reaper really uncomfortable. That, coupled with the tightly clenched fists, is the first sign that something bad is about to happen. 

“I’m going to clean it up. That’s what I stood up for, I swear.”

Seungyoon continues approaching him menacingly. It really is an overreaction for a few chips on the couch, Taehyun thinks as he slowly backs away from the angry man. 

“Why?” 

-

 

Seungyoon wakes up early the next day. He has already been conditioned to wake up at 4am whenever he gets the opportunity to sleep through the night. Seungyoon has already stuffed his feet into his slippers and picked up his pager before he realizes that he doesn’t have to go to the hospital today. Slowly, memories of leather pants, eyeliner and death flood his mind. That was the strangest dream Seungyoon had ever had. It had to be a dream, right?

Just to be sure, Seungyoon makes his way downstairs. A feeling of foreboding creeps down his spine when he notices that the television is on. It is on VH1. Seungyoon never watches reality television. There are empty bags of Doritos all over the floor. He sees bare feet peeking out of the corner of the couch and prays that Jinwoo changed his mind and decided to spend the night in Seungyoon’s home. 

His hopes are dashed when the person on the couch stands and it is not Jinwoo. Taehyun - the goth kid with still-perfect eyeliner. Taehyun, the grim reaper who had provided forewarning of Seungyoon’s death. Seungyoon barely feels his hands curling into fists. He doesn’t even feel the pain when his fingernails dig into the skin of his palm. The anger is rising like a flood, consuming every sane thought in its path. He doesn’t deserve this. This isn’t what he wants. It’s not supposed to end like this. 

Seungyoon starts stalking towards the cause of his problems, slowly cornering him.

“I’m going to clean it up. That’s what I stood up for, I swear.”

Seungyoon ignores his comment. It’s probably an intentional attempt to deflect Seungyoon’s attention.

“Why?”

He is almost close enough to grab Taehyun now.

“I had to eat, and you don’t have any cooked food! Your friend left this behind, so I ate them. I didn’t mean to fall asleep and get it all over your sofa.”

That did it. Seungyoon pulled him in and swung. His fist hit its target. Over and over again.

“Why? Why me? Why did you tell me?”

Seungyoon could barely hear through the blood roaring in his ears. He had never been this angry in his entire life. He chances a glance at Taehyun between punches and notices that his face looks fine. Even the eyeliner isn’t smeared. Seungyoon’s fist had connected with the reaper’s nose. He was sure of it. The skin isn’t even red. Seungyoon reaches down to touch Taehyun’s face. He can see his fingers roving over the boy’s smooth skin but he can also feel a warm liquid. Sure enough, when he pulls them away, they’re coated in blood, but Taehyun isn’t. It makes no sense. It makes so much sense. It’s true. Seungyoon is going to die at the young age of 29. 

He slowly disentangles himself from Taehyun. He barely feels the bits of Doritos digging into his bare feet. Seungyoon has five days to live. Five days. 

Seungyoon walks out of the house in a daze, gets into his car and starts driving. He has no idea where he’s going. If that isn’t an apt way to describe his current situation, he doesn’t know what is.

-

 

If Taehyun could still feel normal human sensations, he would be writhing in pain right now. Instead, he is staring at his reflection –Madge’s reflection- in the bathroom mirror while watching blood stream out of his possibly broken nose. Seungyoon is taking this news terribly, and Taehyun is starting to regret telling him. He doesn’t deserve to spend his last few days anxious and angry about his impending death.

It was a drastic miscalculation. They are clearly very different people, and he now realizes that the assumption that Kang Seungyoon would enjoy an opportunity that Taehyun would have killed for was the beginning of his troubles. Unlike Taehyun, Seungyoon has put a lot of calculated effort into planning his future and sacrificed most of his youth for a future that he would never get to experience. He had so much more to lose from an early death. While Seungyoon had poured himself into his studies, Taehyun had hopped from one band to another, never really paying attention to the other members. Seungyoon was widely admired for his restrain while Taehyun practically lived on the wild side. They had nothing in common. Taehyun should have known better. 

-

 

Seungyoon somehow ends up in the parking lot of the hospital. Classic. Even when he is trying to deal with a sudden surge of death anxiety, his subconscious mind is still fixated on work. It has always been. And, Seungyoon had been fine with that in the past. Now, he is starting to wonder whether it was worth it. 

Whenever he was invited to do something fun, he would refuse because he had responsibilities. They had changed over the years -from homework and extracurriculars to lab research to helping organize grand rounds- but they were always there, standing between him and living.

Seungyoon lets out a bitter laugh when he remembers the lengths he went to in order to avoid doing anything dangerous. He had been so scared of seriously hurting himself that he never participated in Seunghoon’s constant pursuit of adrenaline. What a waste.

He is angry, but his anger is no longer directed at Nam Taehyun. This is his fault. All those nights that woke up with pounding in his chest, the dizzy spells that he attributed to hunger, the shortness of breath… How could he have missed this after eight years of medical training? If he had paid more attention to his body, he would have caught it in time.

Seungyoon suddenly slams the steering wheel. He wants to hurt something, hurt himself. Anything that could distract him from his own thoughts. He keeps pounding the leather, ignoring the honks that result, until his knuckles are bruised and bloody.

That night, Seungyoon sleeps in the hospital parking lot. What good was leaving for a safer place when he would be dead in a few days anyway?

 

Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket  
Save 'em for a time when you're really gonna need 'em, oh

 

When Taehyun is done fixing Madge’s nose, he takes a shower and waits for Seungyoon’s return. He’s not really worried about the man’s physical safety; he isn’t going to die until the 26th. However, Seungyoon’s emotional wellbeing has become a major source of concern for Taehyun. He stays up all night waiting for the door to open, but it never happens.

Around 9 am the next morning, Seungyoon finally walks into the house. He is pale as death and his knuckles are covered in ugly purple bruises. Taehyun wonders whether he got those from bashing Taehyun’s nose in.

Seungyoon looks defeated. If a stranger had to guess who the undead person in the room was, they’d probably go with Seungyoon instead of Taehyun. He looks that bad. The older man enters the living room and sits on the couch. Silence reigns and Taehyun steels himself for another fight.

“Why did you tell me?” Seungyoon asks in a deathly calm voice.

Always one to learn from his past experiences, Taehyun starts backing away.

“I’m not going to hit you again. I just need to know why you did it.”

“You really want to know why? Let me take care of your knuckles first, then I’ll tell you.”

Seungyoon’s nod is so subtle that Taehyun barely catches it. Before the other man can change his mind, Taehyun is already on his way to the bathroom to grab some disinfecting wipes and band-aids. 

He returns and starts wiping the dried blood off the slender hands. Seungyoon is still expressionlessly staring at the wall. 

“I wasn’t always a grim reaper, you know? When you don’t see the light after death, it’s either fifteen years of this or become a ghost and risk turning into an evil spirit. It was my only choice, really. I left things on a bad- no bad doesn’t properly describe it – horrendous note with my loved ones. I spent so much time dreaming about all the things I would change if I had known I would die that day. When I still didn’t see the light or get the go ahead to move on by the 15th anniversary of my death, I was frustrated. I wasn’t really thinking when I told you. I just wanted to help someone avoid leaving the kind of pain I Ieft behind when I died. I’m so sorry.”

Seungyoon finally looks at Taehyun. The reaper almost wishes he hadn’t though. His gaze is practically piercing through Taehyun and it makes him feel raw in ways he hasn’t experienced since he was a teenager.

“Pain?”

Taehyun smiles reluctantly, trying in vain to mask the feelings that often attempt to consume him when he thinks about the mess he made. He had convinced himself that he had made peace with the effects of his actions, but his blurry vision says otherwise.

“Yeah. I was pretty temperamental, and I didn’t really think about my actions. It was easy enough to apologize later. Guess nothing has really changed on that front, huh?”

Taehyun has been rubbing the same spot on Seungyoon’s hands for a while now, but he doesn’t even notice.

“Anyway, I managed to mess things up really badly on the day I died, and I never got to apologize. My sister still blames herself for my death. So does my mother. Even my ex-boyfriend thinks it’s his fault I died the way I did. They all went into self-destructive spirals, and I was too powerless to do anything but watch.”

Taehyun is engrossed in his memories now. He remembers the huge fight he had with his mother when she confronted him about his sexuality. As someone who had been religious for most of her life, she had trouble coming to terms with it and instead of patiently discussing it with her, he had lashed out. 

After storming out, he had left a really nasty voicemail for his sister because he thought she outed him. His final words to her had been “I really fucking hate you. I hope I never see you again”. Taehyun had followed her around after his death for long enough to know that she saved that voicemail and listened to it from time to time, usually before she went on another bender.

He had been on the phone with Mino when the accident happened. They had a gig with the rest of the band that evening and Taehyun had ghosted them. They were arguing about Taehyun’s seeming lack of commitment to their music when a car crashed into him, killing him immediately. 

“What if I go to the hospital now? I can get the implantable defibrillator and live.” Seungyoon’s question pulls Taehyun out of his thoughts.  
-

 

Seungyoon carefully watches Taehyun’s reaction to his question. There is surprise and what looks like sadness. 

“That’s not how it works, Seungyoon. Once I get the paper, it’s inevitable. I’m sorry.”

Seungyoon refuses to back down without trying. If there’s a way to escape this, he will find it.

“Has anyone tried?”

“Yes. It doesn’t work. That’s why I thought it was okay to tell you. There’s a story about something similar happening with a reaper who was in a relationship with the soldier whose soul he was supposed to collect about one hundred years ago. The date doesn’t change.”

That is not the answer that Seungyoon wanted to hear. An apparitional heavy weight is slowly starting to settle on his shoulders.

“Can’t you switch my date with someone else’s? You mentioned that you don’t have anywhere to go right? I’ll let you stay here for a year. Rent-free. I promise.”

Taehyun is looking at him with an expression so somber that it makes Seungyoon look away and focus his own gaze on his fingers. 

“ I can’t do that, I’m sorry. It will happen in four days. You need to make peace with it.”

Seungyoon leans back into the couch and closes his eyes. If a few tears roll down his face, Taehyun pretends not to see them.

‘Blood brothers on a summer eve, with a vow to defend’

 

The first thing Seungyoon does the next morning is turn on his phone. There are several messages and voicemails from his friends.

Jinu  
8/21/2016  
9:00pm  
I sent you the doodle poll. Check your email

8/22/2016  
5:00am  
Fill out the poll, Seungyoon.

1:30pm  
You’re the only one who hasn’t filled out the poll.  
Do it.  
I won’t stop paging you until it’s done

10:00pm  
Stop ignoring me.

8/23/2016  
8:00am  
I have the keys to your house, Seungyoon.  
I can let myself in.

9:00am  
Since you decided to ignore the poll, we picked a time without you.  
We’ll be there at noon tomorrow whether you’re ready or not.

JongSuk  
8/22/2016  
11:00pm  
Dude, pick up your phone.  
Jinwoo keeps calling me every 10 minutes to find out whether I’ve heard from you.

Seunghoon  
8/23/2016  
7:00am  
If you don’t respond to Jinwoo soon, I will hunt you down myself.

Seungyoon can’t suppress his smile. This friend circle had formed during their first year of medical school, and they had slowly assumed different roles. Jinwoo is the mother of the group. He constantly worries about the other guys and organizes all their meetups. Seungyoon is the other less-committed but still interested parent that everyone went to for help when they needed it. JongSuk is the childish one. They all look out for him because he has lived a very sheltered lifestyle and is too trusting of the world. Last but not least, Seunghoon. Seunghoon is the unpredictable one. No one ever really knows what his plans are, and they’re often shocking- like that time he said he would take them to lunch but changed his mind halfway and decided they should all go bungee jumping instead. They had become a family of sorts and Seungyoon can’t imagine leaving them behind, talk less of his actual family. 

He tries to imagine their reactions to his death. JongSuk would cry. Jinwoo would try to comfort him even as he failed to hide his own grief. Seunghoon would probably disappear for a while like he did when his uncle died. 

After three days of fighting the inevitable, Seungyoon is starting to realize that Taehyun has a point. Although he is still frightened of the unknown, there will be much more pain left on earth after his passing. He will have to do his best to create memories that’ll comfort them in their time of grief.

Seungyoon quickly logs into their kkt group chat, ignores the ridiculously numerous “Seungyoon, fill out the damn poll” messages and types ‘How about we make this a weekend getaway type thing? Bring two changes of clothes with you, we’ll all find something to do in my house for those two days.’

With that, he puts away the phone and gets out of bed. He doesn’t really remember going up to his room yesterday. Maybe Taehyun helped him? They hadn’t spoken much after Seungyoon tried to bargain with him, but Seungyoon is much less angry now. Taehyun’s story provided enough background that most of the anger he felt towards the kid was gone now. Was he appreciative of the gesture? Not quite, but he understood enough to feel a little bad about messing his body’s nose up. 

Seungyoon makes his way downstairs to clean up the living room. Fortunately, there isn’t much for him to do. The room is already neat as a button; Taehyun must have cleaned up after Seungyoon went to bed last night. 

The reaper is taking a nap on the sofa. He looks peaceful, young and free of worries. Seungyoon can’t bring himself to bother him, so he decides to get breakfast at the diner three blocks away. That way, he can stop by the grocery store and get some more supplies for their get-together tomorrow. Seungyoon puts on his shoes, writes a note telling Taehyun where he’s going and leaves the apartment.  
-

 

When Seungyoon returns, Taehyun is awake and watching shitty reality TV. He calls out a greeting and starts putting away the groceries.

“I brought back some breakfast. Do you want it?”

“Yeah” Taehyun replies and head into the kitchen to get the food.

They sit together in silence - Taehyun watching tv and eating breakfast and Seungyoon covertly watching Taehyun while pretending to text someone.

This continues for a while until Taehyun catches Seungyoon staring one too many times.

“What?”

“If this is too personal, tell me. I’m just curious. What does it feel like?”

Taehyun looks confused. He lowers the volume of the television set and turns to face Seungyoon.

“What does what feel like?”

“You know, death. Does it hurt or are your just numb? Is there any actual feeling involved?”

“I’m here to take your soul before you die. If I do my job right, you won’t feel anything. You’ll have to watch your body die though. That’s not a pretty sight most of the time.”

Taehyun winces as he remembers how crumpled his body was after the accident.

“And after that? What happens?”

“I don’t know. Like I said, I never got around to that part.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Taehyun can see that Seungyoon is tense. He finally realizes why Seungyoon has been so anxious.

“Are you scared?”

Seungyoon purses his lips slightly and looks away.

“I’m not scared. I just don’t like not knowing or having control over what is going to happen to me. “

“Well, I never crossed over into the light, so I don’t really know what happens after that. Just- I don’t know – don’t be scared. Sometimes we’re powerless in the grand scheme of things. Enjoy the present and worry about that later.”

Taehyun is and has always been terrible at inspiring pep talks. He doubts that this one had any effect of Seungyoon, but at least he tried.

“I guess. Speaking of enjoying the present. Would you mind leaving for the next two days? My friends are coming by, and it’d be too much work to try to explain your presence. Can you get a room in the B and B a few blocks away? I’ll pay for it, no worries.”

Taehyun wants to reject the money, but he doesn’t really have any other options. He doesn’t have any money or a place to stay. So, he nods.

“You don’t need to leave now of course. They won’t be here until noon tomorrow. You’re gonna come back right?”

Seungyoon still looks unsure- maybe even a little insecure. Taehyun decides to ignore the sting to his pride from having to depend on a complete stranger for sustenance in order to reassure him.

“Yeah. I have to come back to do my job.”

“Great. We need to exchange numbers so I can let you know when the guys leave. I need to drop by the ATM though. Do you have venmo?”

They retreat into an awkward silence until Seungyoon heads back to his room to take a shower.  
-

 

The weekend goes well. Taehyun is sent off early with no problems. Although Seungyoon doesn’t have anything planned for the meet-up, the four guys have fun just hanging out together in his house. It’s coming to an end now; it’s their last night together. They’re drinking soju and sharing work stories when Seungyoon suddenly feels the need to let them know how much he loves them. They never really say anything that affectionate to each other, but if he’s going to die tomorrow, this is probably the last chance he’ll ever get to do it.

“I love you guys. You’re the best thing that has happened to me in recent years, and I’m so glad we were assigned to the same dissection group eight years ago.”

Three heads turn in surprise. They look confused by Seungyoon’s sudden emotional outburst.

“How much soju did you drink, you lightweight.”

Seunghoon asks in a mocking tone. He’s the only one who is actually sober at this point.

“Leave him alone. I love you too Seungyoon-ah” Jongsuk says as he drapes himself over Seungyoon. Jinwoo looks on with an affectionate glaze in his eyes. 

An idea suddenly pops into Seungyoon’s mind.

“Hey guys, let’s take a photo.” Seungyoon wants them to have something to remember this moment and how much he cares about them.

He grabs Seunghoon’s phone, takes the photo and sends it to the groupchat. 

‘Let me see you through, ‘cause I’ve seen the dark side too’

Seunghoon, Jinwoo and Jongsuk leave Seungyoon’s apartment one at a time the next morning. They’re all hungover and irritable, but Seungyoon makes sure to give them proper goodbyes. It also leaves him time to call his mother and sister before texting Taehyun.

Seungyoon has one hour left. One hour until he ceases to exist and goes into nothingness. He sits in the living room trying to figure out what to do with his last hour. How would one go about deciding that kind of thing? Should he marathon his favorite tv show? Maybe order his favorite meal and gorge on it? Or he could call his mother again and talk to her more? 

Taehyun shows up fifteen minutes later, and he finds Seungyoon still on the couch trying to decide what to do. 

“What are you up to?”

“Nothing much. Just figuring out what I want to do before I die.”

“Oh” Taehyun joins him on the couch. 

“What are your options?”

Seungyoon tells him and Taehyun responds with “How about we go with something simple and just talk?”

“Talk?”

“Yup. Tell me about your friends – the ones that came by this weekend.”

Seungyoon starts telling him about his experiences in medical school, and the topic quickly shifts to their families, their hobbies, the nineties, Taehyun’s bands and music. Taehyun is singing softly; It’s a cover of Creep by Radiohead. Taehyun’s voice is soft and sweet, washing down Seungyoon’s mind in a hypnotic manner until he is completely calm. 

“I don't belong here,  
I don't belong here.”

With the last few words, Taehyun rubs a hand over Seungyoon’s back, and he is suddenly staring at his body from his position beside Taehyun. It is a surreal experience watching the body he’d inhabited for 29 years from the outside. He almost wants to reach out and touch it. Seungyoon’s hands soon clutch his chest, and he slumps into the sofa and stiffens. 

Seungyoon is fidgety. He reaches out to grab Taehyun’s hand. This time, he can actually feel Taehyun’s smooth skin. He is dead now. That’s all. Kang Seungyoon’s life is over. They stand together awkwardly watching Seungyoon’s body cool on the sofa until a bright light appears out of nowhere. It’s almost blinding and Seungyoon has to protect his ‘eyes’ with his arm.

Taehyun is smiling at him sadly. “That’s it then. I take it you’ve seen the light?”

-

It was a little selfish of him, but Taehyun had hoped that Seungyoon would have to stay with him. He didn’t know any other undead people in this area, and it has been a very lonely 15 years. Getting to know someone who could really see him and who he could talk to had been a great experience. 

“I guess this is where we say our goodbyes, huh?”

Seungyoon is returning Taehyun’s smile. His grip on Taehyun’s fingers has tightened, and the reaper can tell that he is scared again. 

“You’ll be fine, Seungyoon.”

He is pleasantly surprised when Seungyoon dives into his arms, hugging him tightly. Taehyun lets himself sink into the hug while blinking back tears. It’s stupid because he has only known Seungyoon for one week, but it feels like he just died and lost all his loved ones a second time.

“I left you the house and some money. My lawyer will contact you soon. And no, you don’t get to refuse this. My family members are settled in their own houses already. They don’t need it.”

Seungyoon pulls away, and Taehyun surges forward unexpectedly and presses his lips against Seungyoon’s. It lasts for only a brief moment, but it means everything. They pull apart and Seungyoon starts walking toward the light.

“I’ll see you in 15 years maybe? Come find me wherever you are when you get through” He says before he steps in and disappears from Taehyun’s sight.

Taehyun is left in the middle of the living room, fingers ghosting across his lips as he stares at the dead body on the sofa.


End file.
